confessions of a neurotic wanderlust

documenting this awesome thing called life

and so i failed you again January 25, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — joykablogs @ 9:40 am

I saw your email. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell that you are disappointed and mad to say the least. Yet, for someone who know you like I do, I know that what you feel for me is beyond disappointment. And I can’t find any word to describe it.

I have failed, hurt and disappointed you once again. I have dug too deep a hole in the friendship, I’m sure I’m never climbing back up.

I DO have a reason why I wasn’t there when I say I would. Remember the SMS I sent you December-ish of 2011? It was the same reason. But at the back of my head, I know that no matter how I put it, I will still disappoint you so I chose not to say anything.

I know that you’re also mad because I didn’t say anything, not a word. But you know the feeling when you have already come to terms with your stupidity and have admitted to yourself that you’re wrong, you just choose to be quiet because no words would ever repair it anyway? That’s how I felt, so I stayed quiet.

I know you’re mad and disappointed. That is why I kept quiet. In the history of our friendship, we have tried and tested this formula a number of times and somehow it has worked then we get back to being friends again after time has magically healed all hurts.

Somehow, that was what I was hoping for. However, I know the gravity of what I have done. And by that thoughtless move, I may have lost you and your friendship forever.

Over the years, I seem to have developed the propensity to lose the people that’s worth keeping and held on to people that’s worth letting go. I know that. And I also know that they next move is still on me.

For all it’s worth (although it may not mean anything to you anymore), I’m so sorry.


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